Sometimes the best way to express what the chronic pain experience is like is to share what I have written when I am just talking to myself. Here are some old Journal entries I wrote:
Chronic pain lifestyle Nov 10, 2013
The joy of temporary pain is the privilege of getting to express it. People do not realize it when they have it what a privilege it is that they are permitted to express that pain. Permitted to stop doing things because they are in pain. Permitted to rest, recover and are treated for that pain. Because it is temporary. They are in pain in that moment. People get that. People do not get pain that persists forever. It boggles the mind.
While those of us with chronic pain feel the same pain those with temporary pain feel. Hell we feel a great deal of it. We are very familiar with it. Sometimes varieties of pain. Muscle pain. Migraine pain. Nerve pain. We lose along the way the privilege to express this pain. We are expected to function with the pain. We should work. We should exercise. If we do not do as much or more than the average person we are displaying ‘sick behaviors’ and ‘avoidance behaviors’. Or we are lazy. We should definitely feel guilty when we cannot work. We should feel guilty about everything we cannot do. Keep in mind chronic pain is difficult to treat. Some isn’t treated at all. While temporary pain is treated quite well… we just have to endure. Get used to it. But do everything everyone else does. And hide the pain while you are at it. No one likes a chronic complainer. It can’t be that bad all the time can it? Everything happens for a reason. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.
It makes me so weary. We have this constant battle with pain. We lose jobs. We get demotions at work. We struggle to hold onto jobs. We have to go on disability. We struggle every day. We take extra times to get through school or university. We struggle to find a job we can do with our limitations. We make compromises and sacrifices in our job and career choices because of our health. No one understand how pain can limit a person. Affect our lives. How it never leaves. How it has an impact. We just get the stigma in the workplace, from family, from society, from the medical field.
It tires me that we are just expected to get used to it with a smile on our faces. Existing in more pain than they will ever comprehend. I would like to see them try.
Pain is Dangerous Aug 27, 2014
People should understand that pain is dangerous. Sometimes it isn’t I don’t want to move today. It is I don’t want to live today.
Physical pain, by itself, is a suicide risk. Living with it constantly, with no end date will be the hardest damn battle of your life. It is a battle hidden behind smiles and ‘I’m fine’s’ and ‘I’ll push through the pain’. It is a silent battle and a silent scream. No one will give you an award for it. No one will notice it. People will doubt your pain. People will accuse you of being lazy of having no time for them. Of making excuses to get out of things. You will fight, and fight, and fight and that is what you will get for it. You can expect mediocre medical treatment or no medical treatment. People will expect, though, that you are addicted to painkillers or drug seeking. Expect that. Fight the good fight. Inches of life. Fit in life where you can. Do not listen to people. People know nothing about this existence you find yourself in. Find joy where you can. Live in the pain gaps.
Pain is dangerous.
Chronically Nikki 
Don’t expect people to follow you in the path of pain you didn’t choose, except if they got in a similar path of you. That’s the privilege of being intelligent. Being able to doubt of everything, even of our pain, even of our hearts…
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Yes. I’ve learned quite a bit since then. It is interesting to look back on old journal posts I have found. Some were very painful. Some insightful.
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