For some of us, we have years of pain to reflect on. That can mean times where we didn’t cope well at all. I know I have expressed a deep dark depression and completely unmanaged pain I almost didn’t survive. We can have years where the pain was unmanaged and severe.
We have a pain history. And with it comes fear of the future. I am feeling it right now. With the uncertainty in the future. This looming uncertainty. And I am fearful. With chronic illness we can fear the future, because we know the past.
Here are some chronic illness fears of the future
Fear the worst
To some extent, we fear going back into a state at our worst. We fear that dark place. We fear that struggle. We went through it. We know exactly what it took to get out of it. What it took from us. We fear that could happen again for any reason, at any moment, and thrusting our lives into chaos once more. The fear of survival mode is a heavy fear indeed. I still fear it. I lived in survival mode for a decade. It was horrific. It is a slippery slope into that. One that is hard sometimes to prevent when treatment changes.
Fear unpredictability
We know from our experience the unpredictable nature of chronic illness and pain that we have no control over some things. We don’t know when things will get worse. What will cause them to get worse. It can make us tentative with changes in our lives that may just tip the balance. It has happened.
We have made changes to jobs and careers. And things got so much worse. We have done nothing at all and things got worse. Then with it, things like financial instability cause a lot of problems and stress for us. We remember all that. We remember all the problems we have when we can’t work. When things get really problematic. It is unpredictable.
So yes, it is to some extent, repeating the past that makes us fear the future. But it is knowledge of the past that makes us understand the ultimate uncertainty of chronic illness in the future.
Pin it
Ultimately, what can we do with this fear and knowledge of uncertainty in our lives?
Plan for the best, prepare for the worst
This is my motto for most things. I aim to have successful health goals in the future. I aim for balance. I am for maintenance and coping. I hope for improvement.
But some decisions I make are based on the fact that I am very aware of my current state of affairs and limitations. That I need to be conscious of the fact I may never improve. That this may be all there is. And it may get worse again. It has, in fact, gotten worse. I have to be aware now my limitations are much more There. We have to have acceptance of where we are at in order to move forward.
Knowing that you have endured the past means you know you can persevere in the future. Come what may. That is one way to look at things. My health has gotten worse and yet, here I am, still keeping on. The world didn’t end. Life keeps on keeping on.
Do not take on more than I can chew
One of the main things that cause things to get worse dramatically fast is consistently exceeding my limits on a daily basis. Because I have goals, ambitions, and dreams that are unrealistic. For example, working full-time.
I can’t do it. I have been told I can’t do it. Ever. And it is not something I should pursue. Unless the states of affairs improve and it is work from home only. But that would be only if the states of affairs consistently improve and only if it is work from home. Otherwise, no, I can’t. Even under that perfect scenario I think I would be limited to part time these days with things as they are.
We have to have self-compassion for ourselves for where we are at. And gratitude for the things we can do. Acknowledge the things we can do. Not everything is about work. What can you do? What can you take pride in? Love to do? But do not burn out doing it. Pace yourself always.
Making well-being a priority
In some sense, we have to learn from some of our mistakes. And one mistake I made in the past was never really taking my self-care seriously. It was all about pushing through the pain to maintain my career that I couldn’t even sustain. I suffered for it in many ways. I have learned that my well-being physically, mentally, and emotionally is very important. Other aspects of life like hobbies and socializing are things we need to have a balance.
Self-care can be mental, physical and emotional self-care. It is important to remember it isn’t just bubble baths and your hobbies.
Knowing the future is never certain
We can’t predict the future. We just can’t. All things are, in a sense, unpredictable. To think chronic illness would play by any rules at all is foolish. We want stability, but we can’t be assured of it. We have to just take the change in stride. Understanding that coping is a process and in that process, we do not always cope well. At times, we struggle. Understanding that illness can improve and get worse in a sort of ebb and flow as time goes on but we manage anyway. Just like my pain varies from day to day, so will it year to year, and decade to decade.
Just as we change and grow and adapt as time passes. Everything changes as time passes. Not all of it is bad. Not all change is bad. And some of my new coping strategies are quite good. And ways I have changed I am rather fond of over time.
I think the fear of the future and its uncertainty then is something we have to cope with. A constant reminder of… this could get worse. We have to do the things we can that we have learned from coping to not get into our worst-case scenario. We have to plan and account for our health as it is. And know we shouldn’t exceed our limits consistently. But there will always be unpredictability. The weather of our health is in constant flux.
In the end, I think nothing stays the same. Certainly not me. And not my health. But not any part of me. The me ten years ago is not the me today. The me ten years in the future will be different from the me today. Who will that be? What me will I decide to create? And that is an amazing thing. My identity isn’t wrapped up in illness and being sick. It is far more than that. But I do know I have a lot of learned skills to adapt to being sick and in pain that help me cope with it. And likely will learn more.
See also
reprint from brainlessblogger.net
Chronically Nikki 
You are not the person you were, you are and will be. The pain you got is not the pain you get or will get. Change is the key to understand the world and how we get it, a key to modify the way we feel it. What you do, every try seems a safe way to go. I would try it so if I didn’t already have. Every path is different, it doesn’t mean they are not similar.Thanks for your experience.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes, change is the key to understanding how we look at ourselves.
LikeLike