“Know yourself + Own yourself + Be yourself = the Authentic Life”Positive Psychology
We all want to be authentic to ourselves. Many of value authenticity in ourselves and others. I think sometimes chronic illness and disability can impede our authentic selves… for a time. Until we embrace it again. I think this is a problem we all have all the time- embracing our authenticity in the world we live in. When we are not authentic to ourselves we are essentially saying we are not okay with who we are. By not doing so we can feel worthless, disconnected and lonely. But we have to balancer our inner and outer selves in a society that often does not want us to reflect who we really are which can lead to masking. “This version of ourselves can be thought of as the “Adaptive Self”—the self that prioritizes fitting in, getting along, and generally doing what we’re told. This self is not without value and purpose—it helps us be functioning members of society.”(Psychology today)
However, embracing our authentic selves can help with our overall well-being and our life satisfaction. And I am all about improving both of those.
“The person living authentically exists “moment by moment, striving to understand themselves, their motivation, defenses, and conditions of worth, while being aware of their responsibilities and choices” (Joseph, 2019). An authentic life involves following one’s passion and being intimately connected to our natural abilities, strengths, and talents.” Positive Psychology
One of the difficult things I find with my own authenticity is expressing it through the sea of symptoms. I want to move into the world in a certain way and I am impeded by symptoms. Or challenged by them. Or blocked by them.
One example is my value and love of creativity expressed in my writing and art. I express my authentic self through these. And would all the time if I could. However, fatigue levels have been substantially high and make it difficult to function through the day. Leading to careful energy management techniques I have yet to fully understand. Making it difficult to move into or be that part of my authentic self.
That is just one example. We can see that in many ways in our lives where we are a specific way but we have a difficult time Being that way in the world due to pain, fatigue and illness. We have to try work arounds and coping strategies in order to manifest our authentic self. And it is a struggle.
Values
One important step to aligning ourselves to our authentic selves is living according to our values. Sometimes with chronic illness and disability we can be misaligned with our values. By that I mean, we can have some essential core values that we believe to be vital to us as a healthy person- become chronically ill or disabled- and we no longer can live to those values. We have to adjust them to the lives we are living and to values that are now more important to use. Our core values we are living in and with. Otherwise there is a lot of inner friction and dissatisfaction.
I give the example of when I was working and I valued things like reliability and independence and dependability. I still value those things in others. But I was not a reliable or dependable employee when I became quite ill. And I am interdependent on a lot of people- doctors and family. Strived to adhere to these values made me feel insanely guilty. When I readjusted them to new values- slowly- because I am stubborn and love a good dose of denial- I was far more authentic to who I actually was. Not saying who I was was a bad person in any way at all. I have some awesome core values- creativity for example. And- authenticity– which I strive for.
Try to notice any friction between your values, beliefs and opinions to how you act in the world. Notice how old values may not suit you like ill fitted clothes and new values are true to the life and self-identity you have now. Think about the things you believe about yourself now. Your chronic illness story and what society has told you, doctors, others vs what is actually a truth to yourself. Notice biases and stigma and self-stigma.
Sometimes the story we have told ourselves is mostly what has been inflicted on us and it is not a nice story at all- layered with stigma and discrimination. I for example need to pace all the time and rest between every single activity. This does not equal lazy. Or any other stigma out there about our need to pace for pain and fatigue.
Facade
Do you feel like you can be yourself on a daily basis? Many people would answer no to this in certain circumstances. Because a facade is beneficial in many instances. But the more authentic you are the more you just present yourself as you are authentic to your values, beliefs and understanding your strengths and weaknesses.
However, I have always found with chronic illness and disability that people want to put a distance between me and my illness. A wall up there. They want me to present a facade to make them comfortable. And I can and do do that sometimes to make them at ease. I do not have to but I can. And when I was younger, I certainly Did do this. For working, definitely. For socializing, certainly. Presenting the image I knew people found acceptable. Not saying the things I knew because they did not want to hear or acknowledge them.
I was told by a psychologist once because I was utilizing my pain facade, where I mask pain which is Highly adaptative of us by the way for society- that my spouse was in fact, not a mind reader, and could not just see past my facade to determine if I was in a lot of pain, some pain or intolerable pain. He knew intolerable pain of course, it was pretty obvious. He suggested some ideas. Like writing my pain scale on a calendar so my spouse could see it. Or doing something call Talking.
To the point masking becomes second nature, it is not inauthentic to do so. We mask pain because it is functionally natural to do so. We become used to doing so. So we have to find ways to be authentic about our experience without being consumed by it either. I would not want to focus on the experience too much or it ruins my distraction techniques which are invaluable. Therefore, I do not want to talk about it all the time. But expressing it in various ways via writing in a journal, art, putting it in an app, writing it on a calendar, just mentioning it to others. All help us lower that mask. And say, hey, I know I mask because I am very, very used to this experience and need to be in the world with it, but I still have it and it still affects my lived experience all the time.
Opinions
Something can happen, definitely with disability. Certainly with some disabilities. Where if I ask- Do you feel Free to express your how opinions, beliefs and views? You might think sure on most things and then- no on some things and never on other things. Like people no longer allow or listen to your opinion at all. Blocking your authentic self from manifesting because they do not permit you to even have an opinion. Or value your opinion.
We can see this with family. We can see this with medical professionals.
Release:
Release patterns and beliefs that no longer serve you. And when I think of this I think of my sense of self that was healthier and my self-identity I now have or am re-constructing to be authentic in the world as I am now. Releasing patterns of thought I conform to that society has inflicted on me as well such as self-stigma that no longer serves me, but is rather difficult to shake. Is it authentic to myself to think just because I have a chronic illness I am not enough? Intrinsically and innately not enough and have less worth? No, absolutely not.
Yet I have thought this very thing. And had to release it. Still am. To be authentic to myself I have to accept I am enough as I am. I have value and worth as I am. And know my value. Know my positive traits as well.
There are times with chronic illness I feel downright stagnant and like I am even moving backwards. But we are always striving, even when we get tired of striving. We are striving for a better well-being and life satisfaction within the limitations of the chronic illness, pain and disability we have. We learn to adjust our life and adapt and develop coping strategies. I don’t think I need to say that some things work for some people and some things do not, we know that. We know some things we do for our wellbeing work well for our life and personality and other things do not- because they align with who we are.
Chronically Nikki 
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