Learning to accept my new limitations

I am keenly aware of my new limitations.

Not fond of them, mind you. But keenly aware of them.

I am newly diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis and that is on top of Fibromyalgia and chronic migraine attacks. All rolled into one is a bit much for me. Mostly on the brain fog, insomnia and fatigue side of things. Although I am also dealing with mobility issues. Adjusting to these new limitations has been complicated. Very complicated. Just finding the motivation through the fatigue has been a challenge for me.

It takes a toll. I know when I go on MS medication what it will do is help prevent lesions. What it will not do is make me feel better. So this is the state of being. This downturn is where I stand. And I have to make due. When functionality decreases sometimes it doesn’t return. Sometimes it does, mind you, after a time and effort. Ebbs and flows. Comes and goes. Sometimes though it takes a fall and doesn’t come back and we have to adjust to our new state of being.

And you have to learn to accept your new limitations.

Which leads to plans and goals and ideas for my overall well-being. I am ever growth-minded, yes. But it also makes me quite aware of these limitations. These damned limitations. This thinking through a fatigue lead blanket haze of existence. I feel like if I blink I might just fall asleep right now as I type. If I lay down, I will surely do so. A risk I will not currently take.

Everything becomes such effort. Walking, of course, effort. Reading, effort, which for a once avid reading a bit of a problem. Writing, effort, which for a writer, also a problem. Art, effort.

So what so you do when you became aware of new limitations?

First I will say I do not believe limitations are hard set. I believe limitations are a boundary that we push now and again. We sort of bump up to it softly trying to just nudge it for more functionality. We do it with physiotherapy and exercise. And we gently or not so gently at times just nudge those limits to give us more space.

And I also believe some limitations are hard set and we cannot change them and simply have to adjust to them in some sort of way.

First is become aware of them

First we have to become aware of our limits. Whether they are in fact limits or just a bad day or two. We have to be aware of where we are in order to live within the boundary we have and in order to try to nudge it further, if we can. Some limits are more hard set than others. But first step is awareness of what they are. Awareness of whether there is any flexibility in them at all.

Second become aware of any gains

So I am always aware of the incremental gains when they do come. Because any gain is worth noting. Any success worth celebrating. When I start exercising it is so teeny tiny. But then it improves ever so slightly. And then just a tad more. And these are worth noting. Very important to my overall functionality.

Third have some self-compassion

And damn, I have self-compassion for this body. This life. This existence. I must. It is my body. And the only one I get. The only life I have to live. Limits and all.

And there are bad days and weeks. And limitations that refuse to budge. And I must stay within them on bad days. And hold to some of them on good days. Understand them, certainly. Pace, always. And have compassion for the fact I just live a different pace.

Fourth the work around

My limitations often mean I do things very differently. And it often means I need a work around. If I get quite tired in the afternoon, it means I function better in the morning. That means most things get done in the morning. And less in the afternoon and little in the evening.

It means when I do things I often do them differently than I used to and that is fine. I try doing things in different ways. Planning for different ways to do things. Understanding my limitations with mobility and planning accordingly.

Sometimes we can adjust to limitations that have no flexibility. They will not change so we have to work around them in some sort of way. Sometimes we can. Sometimes we cannot. When we can, how we do things changes quite a bit. I write differently. I read differently. I do art differently. Everything changes.

Fifth is just acceptance

You have to have acceptance for the things you simply cannot do at all anymore. Those hard limits. Those things that just are not on the table anymore. And simply never will be.

And you have to have acceptance for the level of limitations you are currently at. For the body you have. The mind you have. The level of functionality you have. Even if it can and will improve, you have to accept where you are at.

You have to accept some limits are there to say we cannot do something. Some are there to say we must stop doing something. And some are there to say at this current time this thing is the limitation.

I have had a difficult time accepting these new limitations. But I am working within their limits at the moment. Slowly I am adapting. Slowly I am planning for ways to exercise within my limits and hopefully this will nudge the limits that can be nudged a little bit, then a little bit and then a bit more. It takes time.

It can be incredibly hard with chronic illnesses when we gain a new comorbid condition to re-adjust to new limitations on top of our existing ones. We already feel like we adapting and adjusted all we could and we have to start all over again. But we have all the skills we need to do so. All the coping skills we need to do so.

Downturns with Chronic illness