Exercise.
There.
I said it.
Sounds a little bit like a curse word. Mostly because it is necessary in some ways and it’s painful. Seemly with no real output. Or at least, not in the way we wish there was an output. Like Boom, cured. More like Boom, sprained my body. Instead, its arduous, difficult and more to help us maintain a sort of balance with a chronic illness body.
So, turns out I’m not fond of it
By joys of exercise I mean I despise it. Loathe it. Curse its existence in my life.
I have had a long hateful relationship with it for sure. I just never could figure out what sort of exercises worked with fibromyalgia and hypermobility that wouldn’t cause more pain. Aggravating things way more than it was worth. Or I would do way too much and go way beyond my limits. I always felt like I was doing it wrong. And, honestly, I think I was. I don’t like the fact we are told to exercise with no guidance on how at all. So with pain and other issues we have no clue how to go about it. Possibility making things worse, causing injury, more pain and more fatigue. Giving up, because, hell, that didn’t work at all, did it?
And every single person saying you should try yoga. But I can’t because I’m hypermobile and all yoga did was help me find interesting ways to injure myself by hyper-extending joints in ways I was clueless about. How was I even to know I’m not supposed to bend that way, when I Do bend that way?
So for the longest time, I ignored this advice. Some years I tried various things. And some years I completely failed in my attempts. Some years I did physio. So sporadic, at best. But all of it? Painful. And why would I run to do something unpleasant every day when there was no clear return for my effort? So not funsies.
I have come to terms with the fact it isn’t funsies. It is just necessary. Which makes me sad. Makes me rather sad I can’t be one of those people that jumps out of bed early in the morning, throws on some running shoes, and goes for a run for a couple of miles because of the pure joy of running. Because they like it. Like it. I can’t fathom it. My pain is wrapped in pain. Running seems like liquid fire to me.
Now, that I seem to be really hitting a point where my chronic illnesses are stacking against me here. I find I have to find a way to work some sort of exercise in there. But starting slow is also pretty important as well. Again, too much, too fast and the pain will exceed my capacity to function with it. So moderation and slow and steady is my goal. And finding a good physiotherapist to assist me with ways to actually do things without harm.
There are reasons
We all have reasons for exercise and the exercises we choose to do for our bodies. So I have reasons. Plenty. Doesn’t mean I enjoy the process. Just means the process is getting more necessary.
I assume, for some of us, it is like for me and that exercise it to prevent further weakening of the muscles. Because we can do less due to pain, fatigue and in some cases other mobility issues. We don’t want the muscles to weaken to the point they are also becoming a problem on their own. So we compensate with exercise. It’s just hard to see if it makes any difference because well, fatigue and pain are still there.
We also want to exercise to help with balance which gets worse as we age. Or some of us have vestibular issues already, so balance is an issue as is. I have that issue and it takes constant maintenance.
Another reason to exercise is to strengthen certain specific muscles once others weaken. I have a weak leg, so I strengthen my core and my legs to help with that overall issue. That leg and other areas are always going to be weaker and the best I can do is exercise to help sustain strength to keep mobility. That sort of thing.
I do exercises three times a week and they include but are not limited to a) exercise bike which I am working on increasing. Currently at 10-15 minutes b) Specific leg exercises which are my main focus. Including some mild balance exercises.
I want to add in some walks. And I am adding in some balance exercises as I go. I have been skipping the bike since I just moved so now I have to get back into that.
And man, that doesn’t sound like a heck of a lot. And it isn’t. But in the scheme of things it really is. For me. Other people can do less. Other people can do more. We all have our ranges. And I am just having a hard time getting what I do done. Just the sheer force of energy it takes to do that, is hard enough. On top of chores and such.
Exercise is painful
Okay, so exercise is painful for me. No two ways about that. Not sure about other people. But it hurts like a mothertrucker. Once I loosen the stiffness in the muscles, which is bad, then the pain goes down a smidgen but it still hurts.
And it isn’t just that. Some areas, like my legs and shoulders are so stiff they hurt to shift and move. Like range of motion is restricted. No amount of stretching can seem to lift this pain. Or rather stretching is just painful. But I try and persist. Thinking I can stretch out the pain somehow.
With fibromyalgia and joint hypermobility I think exercise is just a painful venture. But stretching and maintaining mobility is important regardless for me now. But seriously, no one mentioned how painful it always is. I think people that like to exercise would have commented on that part if it was commonplace. So I think it is a unique feature for us with chronic pain. Like grinding gears with no oil or something.
It is so painful that I can’t exercise on days where I have plans to leave the apartment. Because then I am in too much pain with too much muscle fatigue to actually function doing other things. So it must be days where I remain in. Technically, when I leave the apartment I get some walking time out and about so that counts anyway.
Setting up some sort of reward system seems like a good idea to me. Because my brain certainly doesn’t have that handled. Maybe some sort of book per month reward system. I don’t know. I need something to keep the motivation up.
Further reading
Exercise therapy for chronic pain: How does exercise change the limbic brain function?
The goal itself is what has me persisting
I don’t feel the change but I know the leg exercises are strengthening my legs. I know because of how I walk and move and go up stairs. I hope the exercises mean my muscles are not getting weaker from lack of exercise. That is the goal. And that is why I persist. It is the long-term goal I am after here. Certainly, with the small amount of exercise I can do at the moment- endorphins are not really a thing. They never really have been a thing. Noticing a difference in leg strength and walking though as definitely helped me persist in my goals.
My body sure isn’t fond of the idea. My mind is getting on board with it even if the motivation is somewhat lagging on it. But exercise I must, so I do. I make a face when I think about it. Like a child told to eat their vegetables. Except I know the vegetables are good for me. And I also know I won’t like them. Bleh. So I eat them. And pat myself on the back after. Victory! Until the next time.
Chronically Nikki 