When I went on disability from work I was burned out. It was around that time I couldn’t keep up with my blog or much of anything. The problem was a case of developing new symptoms on top of complex medical conditions.
It just stacked up. I tried to rest. I tried to maintain but as time went on this just actually got worse and worse and then worse. Massive burn out. You can’t hold up to that. The resilience I had gained couldn’t hold up to that. You just hit a wall. And… slump.
I Have Multiple Chronic Illnesses
- Asthma
- RLS (Restless Leg Syndrome)
- Hypothyrodism
- Depression
- Fibromyalgia
- Chronic Migraine with aura
- Joint Hypermobility Syndrome (I think they reclassed that as hEDS but I have never had it looked at since I was a kid, so it is what it is)
- And now MS, but I didn’t know that at the time of this burnout.
Then I started getting dizzy spells and falling out of my chair at work. Just for a few seconds. It made me groggy after and all out of sorts. Then came the vertigo. The spins. The sense of the floor moving and falling. The balance problems. The sudden drops. I couldn’t drive like that. And I couldn’t work like that either. I was drained beyond belief. It would start off not too bad but get worse as the day progressed. Until it was severe and I was laid out.
And I was laid out much of the day. Unable to function. Unable to write. Or read. Or do much of anything at all. I was put on Clonazepam as a vestibular suppressant. Just because it wasn’t known what it was. It was speculated it was vestibular migraines. But when I finally got to vestibular therapy I didn’t respond great. It worked a bit. Then after, it just came back. Like a wave. But not the same.
During that time I developed drop foot and had a hard time walking. Then immense fatigue. And things got pretty difficult indeed.
Burnout
I was burned out. I didn’t know what it all was. I suspected Multiple Sclerosis but my neurologist assured me it wasn’t. So I was in limbo. Too tired to function. Mobility issues. On top of all the pain. Functionality suffering.
I Began To:
- Have problems with my motivation
- Have serious fatigue issues
- Have problems with straight up apathy
- Lose interest in what usually interested me
- Not maintain my usual chronic illness health habits to help my chronic pain, Meditation and whatnot.
- Fail to seek support because I failed to see how it could help
- Stop socializing
I was in a funk. And nothing seemed to really get me out of it. Because the symptoms were pretty overwhelming and there were no answers to the symptoms. No way to resolve them. No treatment. No cause.
Things just got worse. When the heat of the summer hit I had severe mobility issues on some days. Like my legs ran out of oomph and just didn’t want to walk at all. Or go up stairs. Or get up from a fall. All wibbly-wobbly. And no answers for what was happening. I didn’t know it was the heat itself causing that. I thought I was suddenly really weak and rapidly losing mobility.
I started not going out for fear of falling. I became insanely isolated. Friends melted away. I was so fatigued all the time. Still am.
And then I did get the answer. Multiple Sclerosis. But then, well, then I was seriously in a funk. Numbed down. Tired. It shocked me. And at the same time I was just so tired I didn’t even have the energy to think about it. Learn about it. Ask questions. Just… no… energy for it in my headspace.
How I Got Out of The Mental Funk
Honestly, it is still there a bit. Mostly because I am seriously fatigued. And I have no fatigue management. Or symptom management at all for MS. So anything to do with that is stacked onto everything else at the moment. Pretty tired. So I am doing some extreme pacing.
- And that is Step One: Extreme Pacing– Manage my energy. Do not do too much. But make what I Do Matter to Me. So that I feel that sense of productivity and satisfaction in my day. For every activity, there is a time of rest.
- Do my hobbies: My artistic skills have declined a lot because of hand pain and mobility issues but, I still want to create. It gives me a lot of pleasure to do so. So I do. And I also love to write even though it is likewise hard to do with fatigue. Also I dig blogging and content creation so I wanted to get back into this sort of thing. It does consume time and energy but it is also quite fulfilling for me. The energy these take can be extensive but the mental well-being they provide is vital.
- Do the health Things: I have to do the small things for my health that are quite important to maintain my well-being. Which includes taking my vitamins and trying to do moderate stretching and exercise. Still laying out a plan for these. Exercise plans are quite hard when you are extremely fatigued, depressed and in a lot of pain. But they make me feel like I am moving in the right direction. Or A direction. That’s the plan. It also includes the things I used to do, like meditation.
- Rest as needed: And I need it a lot. If I need a nap, I need a nap. My fatigue needs to be managed like pain these days.
- Come to terms with new diagnosis: Now that I know what was going on I can actually learn about MS. What I need to do. How to advocate for myself. What sort of things I can do. Not do. What sort of treatment I need. All the things. Which I couldn’t before. And these will all slowly help me come to terms with this new diagnosis. And adjust to it. This will obviously take time and I will have to work on this step bit by bit.
- Manage my expectations: I know how it is with chronic illness downturns and the unpredictability of chronic illnesses. I have to take things slow. Manage my expectations. Take things as they come. Control what I can. Not everything is in my control and that is the way it is.
- Watch my mental health: I know this has hit me hard. And I feel it. So I have to do the things to take care of my mental health. Which includes seeing a psychologist if it comes to it. Apathy is sliding into depression and I’m aware of it. All of these things will help with that as well. I still need to watch it closely.
It is pretty complex dealing with multiple health conditions. An untreated one can really take you for a tumble for sure. And it knocked me out for a bit. It was a rough ride there with those new symptoms. It is going to be for a bit. Juggling them and adjusting to them is going to be tricky for quite some time. Like many of you know, we end up seeing multiple specialists. We do a lot of every day to maintain our health. And any little tip in the balance can cause a massive disruption which is where I am currently at.
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Chronically Nikki 